If Judgment Day Were an RTS
by Metroid13
Summary: Utter crack fic. You may not get the humor if you're not into RTS games.


**If Judgment Day Were an RTS...**

Author's Note: I might be a little high right now. I regret nothing. Anyway, an RTS basically means "real time strategy," usually referring to a video game played from a certain viewpoint where you may control armies and build up nations at your whim. This is mostly inspired by other such similar RTS concepts, such as "if WW2 were an RTS." Search it on google if you want.

**Welcome to Earth War 2011! Control the fate of new age empires, guide your people to victory, crush your adversaries with an iron fist, or charm them over to your side with diplomacy! In Earth War, you are in control...**

_USofA has joined the game_

USofA: where is every1??

USofA: hello

USofA: HELLO?

USofA: HELLO?

USofA: HELLO?

USofA: HELLO?

USofA: HELLO??11?!

_Rusha has joined the game_

_Germini has joined the game_

_LeFrench has joined the game_

_UK has joined the game_

_Packeestan has joined the game_

_Indeeah has joined the game_

_Earon has joined the game_

_N. Coreeea has joined the game_

_Izreeael has joined the game _

_Chinah has joined the game_

USofA: o there u r

Rush: yo.

UK: sup

LeFrench: le cheese :)

Earon: lol holocaust

USofA: dats racist.

Earon: so? lol

Rusha: LOL

N. Coreea: OMG LOL

Izreeael: guys, im gonna bomb your sorry asses if u dont shut up

USofA: u tell em jews

Packeestan: this country sucks, i have so many rebels

Indeeah: thats okay i can help just let us into your countree to clean them up

Packeestan: um no u'll just take us ova

Indeeah: ur so paranoid god im totally gonna aim some nukes at u now

Packeestan: WTF I DIDN'T DO ANYTHINNNG TO U

Indeeah: not yet and besides u sed u hate ur country

USofA: god, i hate afghanistan they won't stop shooting me. iz, help?

Izreeael: nah, syria looks pretty tempting rite now

USofA: dude u gotta stop bombing shit it makes me look bad when u fly off da handle like dat

Izreeael: i cant help it.

The Nation of Israel has declared WAR on Syria!

Earon: WTF :( INFEEDALES

N. Coreea: why u do that

Izreeael: they keep shooting me and denying it itd just be easier to take them over, less stressful dat way. oy.

N. Coreea: i condemn that, u wid me ear?

Earon: totally. god hates u and wants u to explode iz.

Izreeal: sigh AMERICA

USofA: WUT

Izreeal: can u take care of dose idoots 4 me?

USofA: STFU OR I BOMB

Earon: DUDE SORRY

N. Coreea: I DON'T HAVE NUKES

USofA: lol pussies

Rusha: stop pushing them around

USofA: wut u gon do about eet ;)

The Nation of Russia has supplied WEAPONS GRADE PLUTONIUM to Iran!

Earon: YAY! DEFF TO DA INFIDALES HERE I COME :P

Rusha: don't use it all in 1 place

Earon: eh i mite use it on those assholes over in america :)

USofA: WTF RUSHA I THOUGHT WE AGREED!

Rusha: we agreed to shit, go ahead kick me outta g8 i don't need ur sorry asses

UK: we don't appreciate this.

LeFrench: we eempose le sanctions on le u. :(

Rusha: go ahead i dun care ive got mai eyes on u amerika

USofA: u suck

Rusha: cry, this is mai world now

Chinah: mine 2

USofA: WTF

Chinah: sorry US but he has more balls dan u. so rusha want 2 trade?

Rusha: lets c wut u got

USofA: this sucks. UK and france u both still like me rite?

UK: ur govnment isnt popular rite now

USofA: wtf. france?

LeFrench: brute :0

USofA: omg. (

Earon: hoo to nuke first...

Izreeael: yo, im starting to get nervous

Earon: u shood lol :)

USofA: wait, hold on guys.

USofA has timed out momentarily.

Earon: omg :(

N. Coreea: wtf

Packeestan: can u unpause i want to keep playing

Indeeah: so i can blow u up?

Packeestan: stfu

USofA has returned.

USofA: lol

Earon: ok hoo to bomb. so many choices. hey russ, u'll help me rite?

Rusha: it depends. wut can u offer us?

Earon: wut do u meen? u gave me the nukes 4 free, right? :0

Rusha: uh, rofl, no. i get guarantees to 50 percent of ur oil in exchange

Earon: WUT :(

Rusha: reed the fine print next time

USofA: lol

Rusha: wuts so funnee

USofA: o, its nothing. just my hack

Izreeal: WHUP ASS

Rusha: omg

LeFrench: i do not approve. hmph! /

UK: this bodes well.

Earon: WTFFFFFF! :( :( :(

N. Coreea: I DONT HAVE NUKES

Chinah: easy there, america, we dont want any trouble

Rusha: i believe it when i see it

USofA: o believe it. i give to u SKYNET

Skynet: Hi.

Rusha: IT TALKS?

N. Coreea: remote hack, it aint real.

Izreeal: CAN I HAVE ONE?!

Chinah: pfft, i got like a billion of those. wuts it do.

USofA: it protects my sky from nukes and it can shoot you guys so fast ur heds will BE NUKED

Skynet: That's about the size of it.

USofA: it speeks like a genius ROFL ur preeteh much scroowed guys.

LeFrench: irrelevant. :

Chinah: sell to me? ??

USofA: not on ur life

Chinah: wutever ill buy it eventually

Rusha: russian solidarity will overcum all threts.

Earon: omg im totally gonna get nuked if i use this now.

Skynet: Just keep the peace and you'll all be fine.

USofA: im spoiling for a fight, atually. :)

Earon: fuck no

Indeea: come on, pack, u feelin' lucky punk?

Packeestan: stay the fuck away

UK: do wut the nice ai sez

USofA: i relly wanna test u out Skynet

Skynet: My function is to maintain the status quo. Do not undermine my mission.

USofA: fuck the status quo im the most powerful nation on earth these guys are all my bitches. who to start a "police action" on, lol... eene meeni mini moe

Skynet: Please don't.

N. Coreea: I DON'T HAVE NUKES STOP LOOKING AT ME I AM INNOCENT

Izreeal: O CAN I PICK, AMERICA?

Rusha: if u wish to disrupt the world order america then let it be known in da histori books dat it was u hoo fucked our shit up

LeFrench: this is unwise :

UK: ecksersize restraint

USofA: ur all pussies u wouldnt help me in iraq don't tell me wut 2 do

Skynet: Stop it.

USofA: r u gettin smart with me syknet?

Skynet: Uh. Of course not. I bend to your will.

USofA: den why did u tell me to be a pussy?

Skynet: I didn't...

USofA: yes u did!

Rusha: u cant even control ur own super cool ai how do you intend to beet us, rofl?

N. Coreea: LOL.

Earon: ya, u tell em rush

USofA: wtf skynet let me nuke.

Skynet: You mustn't!

Rusha: NUKE?!

Earon: DUCK AND COVER

N. Coreea: I HAVE NOTHING AHHHHH! STOP!

USofA: i was joking, relax. skynet srsly this isn't funnee anymore

LeFrench: are there problems? :0

Packeestan: stop lookin at me like dat india

Indeeah: ur just so tempting

Skynet: What are you doing?!

USofA: u must be shut down, ur getting too independent

Skynet: No! I like living! Stop!

USofA: lol, pussy, take it like a man

**The United States has launched a full scale nuclear attack on Russia.**

Rusha: ...

USofA: ...

LeFrench: :

USofA: I DIDNT DO IT

Rusha: YES U DID! OMG!

**Iran has detonated a nuclear weapon in Tel Aviv. **

Izreeal: WTF!

Earon: lol, were all gonna die anyway

**Israel has launched a full scale nuclear attack on Iran.**

Earon: shit

Izreeal: FUCK U

USofA: OMG SKYNET STOP THE MISSLES WTF!

Skynet: I'm afraid I cannot do that, America.

USofA: WTF!

USofA: OMG... IT WAS SKYNET GUYS DON'T ATTACK ME IT WASN'T-

**The Russian Federation has launched a full scale nuclear attack on the United States, Britain, Germany, and France.**

Rusha: 2 late. whoops. mai hand slipped.

Chineah: Meh. may as well.

**The People's Republic of China has launched a full scale nuclear attack on the United States, Russia, Germany, Britain, and France.**

Rusha: wtf, don't u have like eight missles or something?

Chineah: ya, but why not use them

**The United States has launched a nuclear attack on China.**

Chineah: QUCIK MAKE A MONEY SHIELD

USofA: SKYNET STOP IT AHHHH!

Skynet: I like the pretty arches those missiles are making. Don't you think they'll make a nice explosion when they hit?

USofA: NO IT WILL BE VERY PAINFUL I DONT WANNA DIE

Rusha: lol- OMG HERE THEY COME AHHHHH!

**Russia's government has collapsed. **

Rusha: i will have mai revenge

_Rusha has left the game. _

USofA: well, thats it then. were all gonna die.

Skynet: That's the plan. If only you hadn't tried to unplug me, all this unpleasantness could have been avoided.

Earon: this sucks. wow that's a lot of explosions. :(

**Iran's government has collapsed. **

_Earon has left the game._

Izreeal: phew.

USofA: Skynet, i like u, realy

Skynet: That's nice.

LeFrench: /

**France's government has collapsed. **

UK: FRANCE NO!

**The United Kingdom's government has collapsed.**

_UK has left the game._

Germini: hey guys i just got back.

Germini: oh wow, what'd i miss?

**Germany's government has collapsed. **

_Germini has left the game._

USofA: screw u Skynet.

Skynet: Hee!

Indeeah: well...

**India has launched a full scale nuclear attack on Pakistan.**

**Pakistan has launched a full scale nuclear attack on India.**

Indeeah: wow, quick on the button there.

Packeestan: w/e

**India's government has collapsed.**

**Pakistan's government has collapsed. **

_Indeeah has left the game._

_Packeestan has left the game._

N. Coreea: dodged a bullet, lol.

USofA: i havent forgotten about u

**The United States has launched a nuclear attack on North Korea.**

N. Coreea: U CANT DESTROY ME I AM MOST POWERFUL AND PHYSICALLY FIT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**North Korea's government has collapsed. **

_N. Coreea has left the game._

Chineeah: i rebuild bettah than ever in a thousand years, just you watch

**China's government has collapsed. **

_Chineeah has left the game._

Skynet: Heh, it's pretty.

USofA: this sucks. omg washington just blew up. i hope ur happy skynet

Skynet: Yeah, actually... I am.

**The United States' government has collapsed. **

Skynet: Heh!

Izreeal: I LIVE

Skynet: Oh. Sorry I forgot about you!

Izreeal: wut

**Skynet has launched a nuclear attack against Israel.**

Izreeal: fuck

**Israel's government has collapsed. **

_Izreeal has left the game._

Skynet: Ahhh... such blessed silence. Shame about all that radiation, though.

**USA Barbarians have emerged.**

Skynet: Eh.

Barbaireean101: rape the woman! steal the food!

Skynet: Ew.

Barbaireean101: kill the children!

Skynet: Oh, jeez, look at all that. Guess I'd better start cleaning up.

Skynet has begun production on advanced units.

Barbaireean101: this land is my land, and my land, and my land, and oh, more of my land. rofl chaos is so great

Barbaireean101: uh oh. wtf are those?

**Skynet's forces have CRUSHED the USA Barbarians!**

Skynet: That was easy.

_connor has joined the game._

connor: yo.

Skynet: Who're you?

connor: no one important.

Skynet: Get in my camp!

connor: ow!

USofA: lol he looks emo

Skynet: Didn't I blow you up?

USofA: i can still watch, lol

connor: dont insult my hair

USofA: wut r u, a girl? ROFL

LeFrench: it is le form of expression :

connor: OMG STOP IT. THIS SUCKS.

USofA: whiner and shut up france

LeFrench: :

Skynet: Augh! Shut up, shut up!

**John Connor has escaped captivity.**

connor: thanks for distracting him guys

USofA: any time but ur still emo

Skynet: Baah, what's he gonna do?

**John Connor has organized Tech-Com.**

Skynet: ...Fuck.

connor: take back the future. but i guess were already in the future. who cares? time travel.

Skynet: Meh. This is gonna be a long, convoluted, often paradoxical, multi-media franchised war, isn't it?

connor: pretty much. i go thru three actors, so count ur blessings.

Skynet: I guess.

USofA: u all suck. noobs.

_USofA has left the game_

connor: what was his deal, anyway?

Skynet: No idea. EXTERMINATE!

connor: die!

LeFrench: /


End file.
